Individual, Premarital, and Couples Marriage Guidance
Weddings are tough as it is. I know because I went through it all…juggling the in laws, and making everybody happy. It can be even harder if you are coming from a South Asian background preparing for a marriage in the USA. Are you planning an Eastern wedding for a Western marriage? Or are you simply feeling the pressure to get married?
You may have grown up all your life attending American school and having American friends. You may have even dated a few nice guys. Then one day you find your parents trying to introduce you to a bunch of Indian, Pakistani, or Bangladeshi guys. Sometimes you discover that your parents have passed on your number to them and they call you to ask you out for coffee or dinner. It’s essentially a blind date that your parents have set you up on. The guys have been preapproved, eliminating that step of you introducing him to your parents down the line when you are really getting serious and want approval. Instead, he has been approved and they are pushing you to get serious. This is generally how a modern day arranged marriage goes for South Asian Americans.
You may think that it doesn’t sound so bad because at least you know your parents are already going to like the guy and you have gone on plenty of other blind dates. However, in this situation the parents are really so involved in the dating process that it can truly cloud your judgment. Your mother may call you after every date, pushing to set a date for the wedding, while you are thinking he hasn’t even proposed and mentioning any of this to him may even scare him away. The thing is, in South Asian culture, he may never propose, his parents may one day call your parents and say “let’s set a date because my son likes your daughter.” He may be kneeling down and proposing to you in front of 100 people at your engagement party. So, the answer must be “yes”. This may not exactly be how you had pictured getting engaged, and this as well as many other things may be bugging you.
Clear communication between South Asian couples is imperative prior to marriage because there are so many outside factors that may manipulate the situation. I can tell you so many stories about young women crossing so many hurdles to marry the person they have fallen in love with through a simple introduction from the parents. On occasion there have even been circumstances in which the parents have a falling out and then there is pressure from the parents to break off the relationship that they initially pushed you into. There are many different obstacles that can arise when it comes to the commitment of marriage, and South Asian families don’t always make it easy. Premarital Counseling is more vital in South Asian cultures than it has ever been. I’m a therapist, who has undergone all the hurdles of a South Asian marriage and survived. I would love to help you not only survive but thrive in your marriage. Please contact me because your marriage should be as beautiful as your wedding.
Call: 310-948-1731
email: contact@OCMindBodyCoachingCounseling.com